Khudko nahi jaante

Kabhi-kabhi humko lagta hai ki hum khud ko jaante hi nahi hain

Mere paas apne baare mein batane ke liye bahut kuch hai. Hum artist hain. Likhte hain. Gaana banaate hain. Kavita, shayari, ghazal, rap, kahaani, screenplay, jo cheez dimaag mein aa jaaye, usko kisi na kisi form mein utaarne ka mann karta hai. Bachpan se likhne ka shauq hai. Agar koi gaana likhe hain toh mann karta hai usko apna awaaz mein gaayein, apna dhun banaayein. Kahaani likhe hain toh usko duniya ke saamne rakhna hai. Script hai toh film banaana hai

Mere aas-paas art hai, music hai, cinema hai, philosophy hai, poetry hai

Agar koi humko samajhna chahe toh shayad hum usko ye sab dikha sakte hain

Lekin phir ek ajeeb sawaal aata hai

Kya ye sab hum hain?

Humko nahi lagta

Artist mera ek version hai, shayad mera sabse visible version Aur Shayad sabse achcha bhi, Lekin hum sirf artist nahi hain. Aur sach bole toh humko ye bhi nahi pata ki artist ko hata dene ke baad jo aadmi bachta hai, woh kaun hai

Mere paas us aadmi ke liye koi proper introduction nahi hai

Agar mera saara poems chheen liya jaaye, mere gaana sab band ho jaaye, mera stories kabhi publish na ho, hum films na bana paayein, aur koi humse mera achievements, mera skills, mera interests ke baare mein kuch na pooche, toh shayad hum chup ho jayenge

Shayad hum bas itna kahenge

“Hum ek average chutiya hain.”

Aur maybe isi baat mein mera sabse uncomfortable honesty chhupa hai

Hum khud ko khaas samajhna chahte hain

Kabhi-kabhi samajhte bhi hain

Hum khud ko dope maante hain, ya kam se kam maanna chahte hain. Hum chahte bain ki mera baat sab mein kuch alag lage… Hum chahte hain ki humko intelligent, artistic, philosophical, interesting samjha jaaye.. Koi mera kuchh cheez pasand karta hai toh humko khushi lagta hai

Lekin jab actual test ka waqt aata hai, toh mere andar utna confidence nahi hota jitna hum dikhaate hain

Especially performance mein

Writing ko lekar humko apne upar comparatively zyada bharosa hai. Lekin singing, rapping, performing, wahaan kahin andar ek awaaz rehta hai jo poochta hai:

“Sach mein itna achcha hai kya?”

Aur ye sawaal ka hum answer dhoondhne ka mehnat bhi nahi karte

Humko mediocre reh jaane ka dar hai

Lekin mediocrity se bachne ke liye jo discipline chahiye, usse hum poora bachte hain

Mere andar potential hone ka khayal humko bahut pasand hai.. Kabhi-kabhi lagta hai ki mere andar bahut kuch ho sakta hai, bas hum us jagah tak pahunch nahi pa rahe. Phir kabhi doosra khayal aata hai, shayad potential utna hai hi nahi. Aur kabhi teesra, shayad hai, lekin hum uske liye apna comfortable mediocrity chhodna hi nahi chahte

Ye possibility sabse zyada chubhta hai

Shayad hum utna nahi karte jitna hum kar sakte hain, kyunki “hum kar sakte the” ka illusion, “hum poora koshish kiye aur phir bhi nahi hua” ka reality se zyada comfortable hai

Potential ek bahut convenient cheez hai

Jab tak tum kuch kiya nahi hai, tumhare paas ye kehne ka poora freedom rehta hai ki tum kuch bhi ban sakta tha

Hum shayad yahi azaadi ka thoda fayda uthate hain

Humko cool aur intelligent cheez sab pasand hain. Kabhi kuch padh liye, kuch sun liye, koi thought achcha laga, toh mann karta hai ki woh mere personality ka bhi part ho. Kabhi kisi idea ko samajhne se pehle uska language seekh lete hain. Kabhi kisi characteristic ko jeene se pehle uska character play kar leta hain

Hum kabhi-kabhi apne baare mein bhi acting karte hain

Ek artist ka acting, ek intelligent aadmi ka acting, ek philosophical aadmi ka acting

Ek aise insaan ki acting jo hum banna chahte hain, lekin abhi bane nahi hain

Mere liye sabse embarrassing baat ye nahi hai ki hum fake ho sakte hain

Balki ye hai ki humko poora pata rehta hai ki hum fake ho rahe hain. Phir bhi karta karte

Hum baaki sabko unka choices aur pasand ke liye judge kar dete hain, aur saath hi chahte hain ki log humko judge na kare, mera poora samjhe

Hum idealistic nahi hain, lekin idealistic baat sab kar sakte hain

Hum hamesha woh nahi karte jo humko sahi lagta hai, lekin sahi lagne wala baat sab ko poora confidently bol sakte hain

Kabhi-kabhi humko lagta hai ki hum characteristics ko possess karne se zyada uska impression possess karna chahte hain

Lekin art ke saath shayad hum thoda alag hain

Wahaan humko koi elaborate reason nahi milta

Kabhi dimaag mein ek line aa jaata hai

Kabhi koi kahaani ya melody, visual ya koi thought

Aur hum usko pakad lete hain

 Likh ke gaa ke ya kisi bhi tarah se ek shape de dete hain

Humko nahi pata ye kahaan se aata hai. Iska koi grand purpose bhi nazar nahi aata hai

Bas andar se kuch aata hai aur humse bas ho jaata hai

Aur jab ho jaata hai toh achcha lagta hai

Kisi aur ko sunaate hain aur woh pasand kar le toh aur achcha lagta hai

Shayad isi liye hum art karte hain

Na duniya badalne ke liye

Na khud ko samajhne ke kisi noble mission ke liye

Na kisi philosophy ko prove karne ke liye

Bas isliye ki mere andar se kabhi-kabhi kuch nikalta hai aur humko usko duniya mein rakh dene ka mann karta hai

Aur ajeeb baat ye hai ki jab hum consciously kisi cheez ko dekhkar uske jaisa kuch karne ka koshish karte hain, toh woh utna achcha nahi banta hai

Jo naturally aata hai, wohi apna lagta hai

Jo seekhkar perform karte hain, usmein mostly hum khud ko perform karte hue dekh lete hain

Shayad isi liye art mere liye personality se alag hai

Artist hum hain, lekin artist mera poora hum nahi hai

Aur shayad art hi woh jagah hai jahaan hum apne character ko thodi der ke liye chhod dete hain

Logon ke saath bhi shayad hum pehle kuch aur the

Ek waqt tha jab hum sabko pyaar dena chahte the

Ya shayad pyaar dena nahi, achcha insaan banna chahte the

Humko lagta tha ki aisa hi karna chahiye

Log kamaane chahiye

Dosti keemti hona chahiye

Kisi ko khona bura baat hona chahiye

Agar koi mera tha, toh hum uske liye explanation dhoond lete the

Hum log sabko apne mann mein bhi defend karte the aur doosra ke aage bhi

Jaise hum log sab ko uska action se kam aur uska possibility se zyada dekhte the

Humko lagta tha har insaan ke andar koi kaaran hoga, koi majboori hoga, koi achchai hoga jisko bas samajhne ka need hai

Phir kuch hua

Ek do aise log jisko hum bhai dost jaisa maante the, wo mere saath disrespect kiya aur hamare rishte ko abandon kar diya

Wo incident sirf ek insaan ko mera life se nahi nikala balki mere andar ke ek version ko bhi nikaal diya

Uske baad hum pehle jaisa nahi rahe

Humko log sab se thakaan hone laga

Ab hum sab par shaq karta hain

Pehle kisi ko khona humko bahut badaa baat lagta tha

Ab kabhi-kabhi lagta hai, gaanr maraaye saala!

Pehle dosti apne aap mein valuable lagta tha, ab dosti ka value humko tab feel hota hai jab saamne wala bhi uska value karta hai

Ab hum zyadatar usi ko pyaar de paate hain jo humko pyaar deta hai, respect aur value deta gau

Baaki sab se hum distance rakh sakte hain

Aur humko ye maturity se zyada damage lagta hai

Hum ab bhi kisi se hate nahi kar paate, pyaare aasaan hai mere liye abhi bhi, lekin sabke liye nahi

Humko lagta hai hum achcha insaan usko maante hain jiske andar empathy ho, kindness ho, honesty ho

Lekin irony ye hai ki hum khud hamesha us standard par khara nahi utarte

Kisi anjaan ke liye mere andar bahut empathy aa sakta hai lekin jab koi mera apna hota hai, mera empathy uska character, uska actions aur mere liye uska value se affect hota hai

Jo hum hain aur jo hum hona chahte hain, uske beech ka doori ab humko dikhne laga hai

Pehle shayad hum wo doori ko dekhna nahi chahte the

Mere close bahut kam log hai lekin wo sabke liye mere andar ab bhi bahut kuch hai

Unke liye hum khud ko push kar sakte hain

Unke liye apna best dena chahte hain, kabhi-kabhi jaan tak de dene jaisa feel hota hai

Maybe humko duniya se pyaar karne ka need nahi hai, shayad humko bas wo kuch logo se sach mein pyaar karna hai jo mera duniya hai

Aur shayad isi jagah mera purana aur naya personality milta hai ki pehle hum sabko important banana chahte the, ab hum maante hain ki har koi important nahi hota hai

Kabhi-kabhi hum sochte hain ki agar koi hmko poora tarah dekh liya toh?

Na mera artist version, na mera intelligent baat sab, na mera philosophy, na mera hunar, na wo version jo hum duniya ko dikhana chahta hain…

Agar koi mere andar woh dark aadmi dekh liya jo kabhi-kabhi chhupa rehta hai

Wo jhootha, makkaar, wanna be, mediocre, stupid, chutiya

Tab???

Humko dar hai ki wo bas ye kahega

“Oh, Ye toh kuch khaas nahi hai”

Aur shayad isi baat ka humko sabse zyada dar hai ki mera saara complexity ke neeche hum utna complex haiye nahi hain

Ki hum bhi baaki log ki tarah hi hain,

bas humko apna stupidity ka thoda zyada ehsaas hai

Ya maybe awareness bhi kabhi-kabhi ego ka ek aur costume hota hai,

“Hum chutiya hain” keh dena bhi ek tarah ka intellectual performance type ban sakta hai

Kyuki agar hum pehle hi khud ko expose kar dein, toh doosra humko kya expose karega?

Shayad self-awareness bhi kabhi-kabhi self-defense hota hai..

Phir bhi, mera saari hypocrisy ke beech ek cheez jo humko jhooth nahi lagta…

Art.

Agar humko pata chal jaaye ki hum kabhi great artist nahi banenge, tab bhi hum likhenge, kahaani kavita gaana rap sabkuch

Shayad release na karein, lekin banaayenge zaroor

Kyunki kuch cheez aisa hota hai jiska purpose samajhna zaroori nahi hota

Mere andar ideas aate hain, lyrics, poetry, melodies, stories, sab aata hai aur jab tak ye aata rahega, hum sabko kisi na kisi form mein bahar nikalte rahenge

Maybe artist mera ek character hai, lekin art karne ka meri need, character nahi hai.

Woh shayad humse bhi puraana hai

Humko nahi pata main kaun hain!

Ye sentence pehle humko incomplete lagta tha ab shayad ye hi mera sabse honest definition hai

Hum woh nahi hoon jo hum bolte hain

Hum apna gaana nahi hain, poems nahi hain, philosophy, kahaani nahi hain hum wo ideal version bhi nahi hain jiske baare mein hum itna easily baat kar lete hain

Hum wo sab cheez ke beech mein kahin hain, wo sab contradictions ke beech

Ek taraf wo aadmi jo kisi ke liye jaan de sakte hain

Doosra taraf wo jo kisi irrelevant insaan ka parwaah nahi karta

Ek taraf wo jo kindness aur empathy ko ideal maanta hai

Doosra taraf wo jo logon ko judge karta hai

Ek taraf wo jo extraordinary banna chahta hai

Doosra taraf wo jo mediocrity mein aaraam se reh leta hai

Ek taraf artist,

Doosra taraf wo jo artist ke naam ke peeche chhup sakta hai

Ek taraf self-awareness

Doosra taraf self-deception

Aur kya pataa insaan hona hi ye hai, apne baare mein ek coherent kahaani banaane ka koshish karna, jabki andar sab kuch utna coherent hota hi nahi

Humko abhi bhi nahi pata ki hum khaas hain ya nahi, maybe hain hum, ya maybe ye sawaal hi galat hai

Kyunki “khaas” hona bhi ek aisa cheez hai jisko hum kabhi-kabhi chahte hain sirf isliye kyunki humko ordinary hone se dar lagta hai

Aur ordinary hone mein shayad utna beizzati nahi hai jitna hum samajhte hain

Ho sakta hai hum sach mein ek average chutiya hain

Ho sakta hai hum baaki log se bahut alag nahi hain

Ho sakta hai humko bas itna advantage mila hai ki humko kabhi-kabhi apna hi acting dikh jaata hai

Ya ho sakta hai ki hum sach mein extraordinary, dope cheez ho, mera delusion sab sahi hai

Shayad mera kaam ye hai ki jo character hum play karte hain aur jo aadmi hum asal mein hain..un dono ke beech ka doori dheere-dheere kam kare

Kuch banne ka nahi, ya kuch dikhne ka nahi, bas jo keh rahe hain, usmein se thoda sa jeena shuru kardein

Jo quality doosra sab mein admire karte hain, uska thoda sa hissa khud mein laayein

Jo philosophy humko intelligent lagta hai, usko kabhi-kabhi apna life mein bhi utaarein

Jo art mere andar naturally aata hai, uske saath imaandaar rahein

Aur jo insaan apne andar humko pasand nahi usko sirf “dark side” kehkar romanticise na karein

Shayad khud ko discover nahi karna hai, khud ko banana hai

Aur shayad iss process mein sabse pehle humko ye maanna padega ki hum abhi bane huye insaan nahi hain, shayad ek unfinished draft, kabhi kisi aur se milta hua line, kabhi apna likha hua, kabhi achcha, kabhi bakwaas, kabhi sach, kabhi khaali achcha dikhne ke liye bola hua

Abhi hum jo hain, wahi hain

Kal kuch aur ho jaayenge

Aur shayad uske baad phir se humko apne baare mein sab kuch galat lagega

Toh theek hai…

Humko nahi pata hum kaun hain, abhi nahi pata.. aur bhale poora life nahi pata chalega

Lekin jab tak pata nahi chalta,

tab tak jeete hain, likhte hain, galti karte hain, pyaar karte hain, kuch logo ko kho dete hain, kuch ko bacha ke rakhte hain, aur beech-beech mein…

apna hi mazaak udaate rahte hain

Kyunki aakhir mein insaan hona khud ko samajh lena shayad nahi hai

Khud ko dekhte rehna hai!!

Jitna achcha hain, utna

Jitna chutiya hain, utna