Love?

 It took me a long time to realize where all the love inside me came from.

Maybe I wasn’t always this way….

Maybe I was made this way….

By the people who loved me without needing a reason.

Who kept a place for me even after seeing my flaws.

Who stood up for me when I wasn’t in the room.

Who made me feel like I didn’t have to constantly prove my worth to deserve respect, kindness, or a place in their lives.

People often tell me that I have a lot of love to give. That I care deeply. That I make people feel seen, heard, and valued.

But the more I think about it, the more I wonder…

What have I really given that I wasn’t first given myself?

I have been loved in so many different ways by so many different people that maybe all that love simply kept collecting inside me.

And now, whenever it finds a place to go, it spills out.

Yes, to some people, I’m rude or egoistic.

Maybe even arrogant.

And some of that may be true.

But the people who really know me also know that half of this so-called attitude is an act.

A costume I wear to look cool.

To avoid looking vulnerable.

To convince myself that I can’t be fooled, used, or hurt again.

Because the truth is, I’ve never been very good at hating people.

I’ve been betrayed too.

Disrespected.

Made to feel small.

Taken for granted.

Left alone at times when I desperately needed someone.

But when I look at my life as a whole, I realize something…

The people who loved me have always outnumbered the people who hurt me.

I have good parents, good relatives, siblings, friends…and someone whose love has become such a quiet part of my life that I sometimes forget how much of me it holds together.

And also some beautiful people whose place in my life doesn’t even need a name.

People who never let me forget for too long that I am loved.

And maybe that is one of the greatest fortunes a person can have.

We remember the people who hurt us so easily.

But somehow, we forget the people who quietly made our lives worth living.

I don’t want to forget them anymore.

I want to become more like the people who loved me well.

To learn patience from one person.

Kindness from another.

Loyalty from someone else.

Forgiveness, Compassion…

The courage to stay when leaving would have been easier.

Some people tell me they’ve learned things from me.

Maybe they have.

But I think we are all made from pieces of one another.

A sentence someone said years ago.

A phone call at the right time.

Someone standing beside us when everyone else walked away.

Someone understanding us without making us explain ourselves.

These small things stay.

Slowly, they become part of our nature.

So if there is truly a lot of love inside me, I cannot take all the credit for it.

I am the combined effect of many good people.

I don’t know where life will take me.

How much I will change.

How successful I will become.

How many times I will break and rebuild myself.

I only hope I never lose what good people have placed inside me.

I hope I keep passing it on.

So that someday, someone might think of me and say

Whatever the world made me feel, at least in his presence, I felt a little more loved.

I am grateful.

For the love I received.

For the people who taught me how to give it.

And for the beautiful realization that maybe none of us becomes a good person alone.